la dolce vita.



I'm having one of those nights. The ones where you feel like you are trapped in your own personal prison, it's just you and your thoughts, and they are taking up all of the space. I'm having one of those nights where I just started walking, I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to go, somewhere, anywhere besides here, with all of these damn thoughts. But of course they followed me, I walked faster and so did they, I listened to music and they weaseled their way into the lyrics, I listened to the murmur of the city and they whispered with it, so eventually I gave up, turned around and walked home with them hand in hand. So here I am, with the thoughts looking over my shoulder as I type, pouring me glass after glass of cheap wine and lighting my cigarettes. Sometimes I wish the daylight would just last forever, keeping me distracted with monotonous mind numbing tasks and people. As soon as that sun goes down, just like clockwork, I get this tense feeling in my stomach, because I know who's gonna come a knockin in a few hours, that a-hole, thoughts. Sometimes he brings his BFF with him, emotions. Those two get wasted and fight in my head till all hours. I always know it's trouble when I open the door and see them leaning on the frame with a gallon of Cuervo Gold and a cursive cd. Usually I try to avoid there house call by drowning them out with all kinds of ridiculous gallivanting and trouble making, but sometimes, they show up early, already drunk, rowdy and ready to rumble. Well you know what E & T? So am I. Bring it, I've got an extensive collection of appropriate music for the occasion and I don't have to get up early, not to mention I've been meaning to get some self loathing time in. Sometimes you need to put yourself in check, just to remember what and more specifically, WHO, is important. It's like rebooting your computer. You know, when all your applications are all slow and mucky or aren't even responding at all, refresh, renew, fucking reboot.

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