Turtle party and my man

Dude I totally thought your guac was some fucked up lettuce for like 15 minutes, I kept looking at it thinking "that shit looks raunchy, I wonder if he is gonna eat it." Then I took this photo and thought this is what you would like like if it would have been lettuce and not guac. ANYWAYS.......


I am not sure whats up with this turtle party we witnessed but I am assuming it has something to do with that prince photo in all the trash mags like 2 months ago where he was floating off that airplane with the flip flops and socks and eyes wide shut sex rituals.


My little dude knows how to spoon like a mo fo. Nuf said.

Learning to give a little and hotdogs.

Ray Johnson and generosity. Do these topics have anything common? Probably not, but they have been on my mind for a while now. I could go in to great detail about them both but for the sake of time, I will keep it brief and let the photos do the speaking for me. Ray once hired a helicopter to fly over Rikers island so he could drop 60 foot long hot dogs out of it, he had been drawing feet for sometime and some how managed to link the two, the people on the ground actually ate them and he sent the bill for the wiener's and the helicopter to his art dealer. Makes you smile doesn't it? If you are reading this blog I will assume that your not standing out in the cold begging for change or sleeping in a doorway starving to death. In that case why don't you donate a little time, money or food to someone who is? We all have a whole lot more then we really need so why don't we give a little to someone who has nothing. Forget the judgement you feel in your heart and learn to give freely, no questions asked, I promise you won't remember that dollar bill you handed the homeless man on the corner, but you might remember the smile and genuine gratuity that he gave you in return.

a pissed off nerd waving a white flag and some chics.

Yeah I like country music. Supreeze! I also enjoy self transformation in all respects. "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." "Every moment is another chance to turn it all around." Maybe I will start some kind of cable access show entitled "the emotional ramblings of a lunatic woman." Or maybe I could just write a book with a lot of "-----------." in it. Either way it's probably all bullshit, but in the words of the elusive Tyler Gerrick, "I'll do what I want."

Identity theft, vogue magazine, and buying too many shoes, in other words, a long, long post.

Monday; 6:30 AM I kicked off this 2 day heaven and hell field trip. Life is, (as I perceive it anyways), all about balance and learning. You need to experience the terrible to appreciate the good, the sweet and the sour, some people need to learn things the hard way, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and all that blahblahblah truth stuff. I had a photo shoot for a juut/aveda campaign on Monday that was supposed to last for 3 hours, but went for 8, I was exhausted from only sleeping for about 2 hours the previous night and extremely irritable and as some people at the shoot might say "had a tude." But my best friend in the world who I absolutely adore to no extent was kind enough to take the day off to spend with me, (I didn't even know I would be shooting that day) and I was angry that I was working (that's right people, it is a JOB) and not spending the day, literally, with her at the mall. But after many freezing hours we had made some pretty amazing images. Not only that but a dream I have had since I was a little girl might be made into a reality, very, very soon. This campaign is being considered for every major fashion magazine in the country, including, deeeeeep breath, Vogue. My bible. If I make it in between those pages I will have knocked out a life long dream at the age of 24. Cross all 10 of your fingers and toes and grow some extra ones to cross and pray and bow or whatever it is you do, because I have been fantasizing about this since I was 11 years old. So to summarize the rest, went to M.O.A finally with Ash, met up with Veronica and Paloma, spent way to much time and money on more shoes ( I have purchased 5 pairs this month, I may have a problem), ate too much, spent too much, temporary happiness is not cheap, but you can't take it with you right? Went to a show, went to a bar, talked late, slept late, expensive cab, someone(s) trying to steal our identities and our time, forced quit and restarted, tomato soup and conversation for the soul, goodnight moon.

Wha?

Last night was pretty fun. Met at Ash's, went to uptown diner, shot a sweet music video, rolled down the window of the car and did a drive by kung fu punch at some jocks, accompanied by the proper sound effects of course, went dancing at the front and saw some sweet chick dancing in sunglasses and getting felt up by every dude in the joint, saw a dead dude in a car with his car running parked at the intersection, called 911 and went home. Sweet.

You sign, I sign, we all sign.

Well. Last night we signed our lease on our new apartment in a new state where we begin a new chapter of our lives. Scary, yes, exciting? Most definantly. Wednesday I buy my plane ticket. I have been avoiding it because when I look at them I can not decide what time to leave my life here behind. I have finally decided on a date, January 2nd 2008. This is something I have wanted to do since I was 11 years old. Ask my dad. I have been spouting my hatred for MN since aceabase was cool. Now it is here and I am kind of dragging my feet. In the words of the infamous Bonni Walquist; "There I go, there I go."

Pals and food. To bad Cher couldn't make it.

Yeah that is me with the bug eyes. I look like that all the time. Do you have a problem with that? Cause I don't. Some good laughs, some pretty decent food and some douche Sarah was eyeballing. She must have been wasted. Fun Cher fact; I once worked at an Italian restaurant in St. Paul, many moons ago. On opening night Cher happened to be in town for yet another "goodbye" concert where the tickets were like $200.00 for the 189th row. Sold out of course. The night she arrived she called MY RESTAURANT to make reservations for the evening of the grand opening. She wanted to come posse deep, of course, I am sure her entourage consisted of 15 flamers and a tranny downy midge. Well we happened to be booked for the night and my friends, they did the unimaginable, THEY TURNED CHER AWAY! Can you believe it? I couldn't. I think that's why I up and left on them a couple of months later. I couldn't get over the fact that I could have met the queen. Maybe showed her a little hair flip and lip lick I had been working on since freshman year in high school. those fuckers. I gave them the big ol' bird for Miss Cher. Don't you worry girl, I've got your back!

Cher clip of the day.

Yes, yes and yes.

Did you know that Cher's daughter is a lesbian? Big surprise. I am surprised she doesn't have a big gay queen of a son too. That looks and dresses just like her in Cher drag down at the 90's. That would be awesome. Check out the fashions, I have already purchased all of these looks so don't even try.

this is Nick Nolte.

Nick Nolte comes to my house every Wednesday. I think he gets loaded before he comes, which of course should be no surprise to anyone, I mean when is Nick Nolte not loaded? At the beginning when I pick him up I always take a minute before unlocking the door to center my mind. I say " this time he won't make me want to kill myself." I walk in and the "screaming" or I guess you might call that yelping, begins. I have to prepare myself outside of the kennel because even though he weighs about 15 lbs, he knocks me over EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME. When I finally get the leash on all hell really breaks loose, he walks on two legs to the car, dragging me on the ground behind him. After I have brought him to the house and the other dogs have expressed their annoyance pretty much from the start, I load him up and he does the 2 step back into the house, I feel like I could collapse. He exhausts me and at the same time makes me want to drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniel's, and I don't even like whiskey. I think he is actually a cross between Nick Nolte and Beezlbub. And you know what that makes him.

Thought I would CHER this with you.

I told you, it is Cher appreciation week, so here's another little jig from the queen of awesome. Just a little tidbit; Did you know that Cher owns over 200 wigs made out of human hair? Kinda makes you wonder what her real hair looks like and if we have actually ever seen it. Not to mention the kind of dough this woman must be racking in to afford a wig that costs $300.00-$3000.00 a pop. You know she ain't buyin the cheap shit either. She probably has a family of 11 Swedish sisters livin in her basement just growing hair for her custom wigs.

Something sad, something rad.

After much careful thought and consideration, I have decided to make this week, December 4Th- December 11Th, Cher appreciation week. I began my day as usual, lulling around in my bed, wondering how much time I could squeeze out of my day to stay under the covers and not have to face the arctic blast I was sure to receive upon stepping out of my warm cocoon of blankets and pillows. While I laid there, ignoring the incessant beeping of my phone every 5 minutes, I started to let my mind drift in and out of consciousness.. I began to think of swinging black hair, strange facial expressions, a crotch bucket and a navy ship. Oh my god. Cher. Love her. In all of her ridiculousness. So I decided it is only fitting that I dedicate my blog to her this week. And there is really no other way to kick this off then by showing you a song that always seems to present itself, in all of its awesome glory, on or around my birthday. Usually this presentation involves a bottle of wine, a couple of good friends, a few tears and my inconceivably bad Cher voice. I think this will most defiantly be my Halloween costume for next year, it is about time.

Caution; This guy likes to hurt people.

Yeah he may look benign, your probably thinking to yourself " oh look he is an artist I am sure he is a very compassionate and caring individual.." Well let me tell you from experience, this is not the case. The man may be as tame as an earthworm when he is doing his oil paintings ( which you can see are pretty fucking amazing) but he is deadly when wielding a laser. Last night I had my second laser treatment to remove my tattoos. I went into the shop feeling pretty confident, the 1st time wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, plus it is always nice to hang with my old buddy Kurt and talk about all the weird stuff we used to do and the even weirder stuff we do now. I laid down on the "operating table", rolled up my sleeve and pulled down my pants and we began to chat. As soon as that laser hit my skin I knew this was going to be a very different experience then last time. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!", I thought to myself, this REALLY hurts!!!! Ten seconds later I stopped talking and began to meditate on the floor to try to not think about how it felt like someone was literally burning off my flesh. Kurt says (in a very calm, I know your dieing, but I am not going to admit to it tone) " how ya doin?" Which in just as calm of a fashion (cause who really wants to be the cry baby at the tattoo shop) I replied " ya know, this hurts a little bit more then last time, actually." He just nodded and went about his business of torturing me for the next hour. I walked out of there feeling like I had just escaped out of a Chinese torture chamber. Unfortunately I know I will have to put myself through this agony at least 2 more times, but not for 3 more months. Thank god. I am sure by that point I will have forgotten how excruciating the pain is and walk back in to Leviticus with a smile on my face, only to leave with a tortured grimace. There are many lessons to be learned from this. 1. do not get tattoos before the age of 25, you will not like them after awhile. 2. Do not get said tattoos by people who aren't the best artists in your country. 3. Do NOT get a tattoo thinking, oh when I am sick of it I will just get it removed, yeah you can, but it is going to cost you a small fortune and a huge amount of suffering, during the process and for about 2 weeks after. 4. When people who want to remove your tattoos (i.e doctors, shady dudes and the such) tell you it's not going to hurt, RUN THE OTHER WAY. It is going to hurt, Leviticus told me that right away, where as another establishment that claims to be the best laser treatment center in the state said " oh no, it shouldn't be painful at all!" If they are going to lie to you about that, they are probably going to fuck you up. 5. If you get a tattoo that extends down to the bottom of your ass cheek, your going to be laying out on a bench for quite sometime with your ass hanging out, probably twitching when it gets hit with the laser, so make sure it looks good or at least presentable. It is going to be inches away from the persons face who is doing the procedure. In my case this was slightly funny because the joke of the hour was " bet you didn't think you would see this ass again!" Well that's about it I think. I guess I better give Leviticus and Kurt some props here. They treated me really well and hooked it up. Thanks guys! See ya in 3 months! Oh by the way Mr. Melancon, my precious moments sweatshirt collection Only consists of one offs, so TAKE THAT! Oh and to anyone who wants a tattoo or to remove one, go to Leviticus, they aren't going to screw up your life by giving you a shitty, panther-yin-yang-skull tattoo or burn your skin off with a laser, it will just feel like that at first, then it will look sweet.

I really like skin.. I mean REALLY.

I spend a lot of time thinking about Buffalo Bill. Bazaar? I know, essential? I think so too. I never try to hide the fact that I think silence of the Lambs is one of the funniest movies ever made, I have never made an excuse for my eccentricities or strange behavior. I always kind of regarded this obsession as sort of endearing and a good trait to shuffle out the people in my life who just don't get it. It is kind of the ultimate test. Either you think Buffalo bill is hilarious and we can be friends, lovers, whatever, or you don't and in that case you really have no point in my life what so ever. I was thinking about the "test" that every person has for filtering out the people they want to spend their time with, and realized that whether we know it or not, or even choose to except it, we all have one. Mine just happens to be slightly obscure and possibly a little vulgar. Just like me. And to sum it up with my new favorite saying, " I wouldn't have it any other way." Just like the people in my life.

I heart these guys.

I was just reading my best friend's blog and came across this photo of them in AZ. I can honestly say i teared up a little. It was like the sands of time going through the hour glass in a sense. I quickly filed through my mind all of the great memories I have of these two. Together they have proven to be a driving force in my life and have always been there to support me through whatever comes my way. A challenge or an achievement, they have been the two people I can count on to be by my side. I can honestly say that I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope that anyone reading this blog has been or is as blessed as I am to have such wonderful people in their lives. I love you both dearly and hope that I can be even half the friend to you that you have been to me. No matter what comes our way in life, I promise I will be there for both of you.

Any place, any time, always.

The return of..

The only man in my life.

Yeah, it is sweet.

So I think I have finally secured my apartment in Miami, and it is better then I ever thought it could be. Instead of sharing a one bedroom with 3 other models and sleeping on the floor, I will have my own room! Not only that, my own BATHROOM. Thats right. The apartment is ours as soon as the application goes through. Located just steps away from the ocean right in south beach. Fully furnished and an ocean view. Radiant heating and a security system. Yeah its 82 degrees there right now. Oh and here is the view from our ROOF TOP PATIO!! HAHA!! Eat your heart out people.

Holy hell.

So I have been going through my box's of "stuff" in the basement and came up with some pretty amazing gems. You know "the stuff". The things you can't seem to get rid of for sentimental reasons, even though they take you an extra hour of moving time and you only look at it maybe once every 3 years? So glad I keep hauling my "stuff" from one place to the next. I happened upon this treasure and laughed my ass off for a good 5 minutes. The item I am speaking of happens to be a top ten list of things to say to losers at warp tour circa 1996. Fucking awesome. It was composed by myself and a very dear friend of mine named Ambra Markos. Complete with illustrations and side notes, I will hold this close to my heart for all eternity. I thought I might post the whole damn thing and really air our evil dirty laundry, but in the end decided against it. Somethings are just to cool for anyone besides you and your previous H.L.M to understand. But I thought I might give you all a little taste of what went on in the minds of 13 year old wannabe rockercoolsk8erlovin chics. (Yeah, we said sk8 then..)

The downfall of american fashion magazines

OK. So I know that since the reign of the supermodel in the late 80's - mid 90's American fashion mags have been putting movie stars and other types of celebrities on covers. I know it is because they are trying to reach a broader audience since most dim-wit Americans wouldn't know a model unless she kneed them in the face with her 9 foot long leg. I also know that world famous supermodels are kind of a thing of the past, which is really tragic, but for Christ sakes, STOP PUTTING JESSICA SIMPSON ON THE COVER OF FASHION MAGAZINES!!!!! I am so tired of reaching into my mail box each month to extract a so called ''fashion bible'' with that bucked toothed beaver smiling up at me like she just ate the best piece of country fried chicken! What the hell does she have to do with fashion? What does she have to do with culture and art? A whole lot of nothing, that's what. I guess my main question to these editors that choose people like her or say, fucking crazy ass Lindsey Lohan is, who exactly are you trying to get to read this periodical? Some pimply faced, flared jeans wearing, MTV worshipping, 15 year old Walmart shopper? This isn't US weekly people. I don't think celebrities belong on the cover of fashion magazines unless, they actually have something POSITIVE to do with fashion. Like Ms. Paltrow. You can put her on the cover of vogue 6 months out of the year for all I care, she knows fashion, she has impeccable taste, and the people that should be reading and understand fashion magazines respect her, even worship her. Sure we might get a little taste here in there of actual models on the covers, but it is usually someone like Gisele, who only became a household name after becoming a Victoria's secret vixen. Whoa! That chic has big boobs and a booty! She must be a new model! When in actuality she had been gracing the pages of vogue and walking in shows for close to 3 years before your boyfriend's drunk jock friend even knew what a Brazilian bombshell was. It just makes me tired. Slightly depressed even. That's why I began to buy European fashion magazines. Models actually have names, covers and deep breath, guest editorials!! Yet another reason to get the hell out of this country.

I want! I want!!!

I need these 2 items, desperately. Right now. So if any of you have $10,000.00.....

Finally..

There’s only so much you can learn in one place.
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste.

I haven’t got much time to waste, it’s time to make my way
I’m not afraid what I’ll face, but I’m afraid to stay
I’m going down my own road and I can make it alone
I will work and I'll fight, till I find a place of my own

Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back,
Yes, I’m ready to jump.

I learned my lesson from the start
The only thing you can depend on is your self
And life’s gonna drop you down like the limbs of a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see

Are you ready to jump?
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back
Yes, I’m ready to jump


There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time I waste

I will work and I'll fight, till I find a place of my own.

I can make it alone.

Yours.

This life ends. A new and strange one begins.

I've decided tonight I'm staying alive, just kicking & screaming, Blood boiling & steaming.
There are things far too dark to comprehend.
Sleep on it one more night my sad old friend.
The worst is over.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

The title says it all. I flew to Miami to do a show and now I will be moving there. Thank god I am getting out of this cold ass state. Don't get me wrong, I am going to miss some things here and some people. But I've wanted out for a while and now is the perfect time to start my life over. Have fun in the snow suckers! I have also included a few photos of my trip for your viewing pleasure.

Stone cold fox

Ms. Lara Stone... You take my breath away.. Once in awhile in the world of fashion, a girl arrives that knocks me off my feet. Sometimes it takes awhile for the obsession to set in, other times I see one photo and I am hooked. It sounds slightly obsessive, but I have no excuse. I find that women can be the most beautiful and interesting things on the earth. I become completely awe struck. I have been this way since I started reading fashion magazines when I was 11 years old. Models have always inspired me. Usually I develop this deep fascination with what a lot of normal people might call "the oddball". Cue Lara Stone. Born in Berlin, 23 years old, (bless her "elderly" model heart, I am 23 and in this business it takes a lot to make it this late) and absolutely gorgeous. She has this bone structure, I swear is carved out of marble. One of the most intense stares I have ever seen a model wear down the runway and a quirky, slightly cold smile. Being Dubbed "the anti-model" just makes her that much more appealing and since she walked 26 runways this fall/winter ready to wear, I am pretty sure a good amount of the industry tends to agree with me.

The best part of this ongoing obsession? Nobody is ever going to put her on the cover of Maxim. No beer chugging, white hat wearing, chauvinist pig jock, is EVER, ever, going to sit and sweat all over her photos. I like the feeling that she will never be exploited to the demographic of people I absolutely can not stand. Its kind of like loving a band that you know will never have a song on the radio. Or buying a vintage dress that you know some skank in Eden Prairie won't be sporting on a Saturday night at the Drink in uptown. (More on that in a future post). It is almost something sacred. No mass appeal. Terrific. Just the way everything should be. If the sheep follow something, I don't want anything to do with it.

It's bbbaaaaaccckkkk...

Observe the crotch bucket in it's natural habitat. Cunning, graceful and dangerous. A true predator by nature, it takes down it's pray in one swift, simple, agile movement. This long thought extinct creature has been spotted in a N.E Minneapolis photography studio. Someone caught a brief, but everlasting glance at this stunning beast and immediately phoned in a tip to local and national media. Said person wishes to remain anonymous until the facts have been confirmed, but the one woman team over here at Ledare decided the breaking news was just to thrilling to postpone until all the angles are covered. We hope to get another chance to walk amongst the crotch buckets in this lifetime. Its up to us, if the rumors are true, to welcome this rare beauty back amongst the human race and nurture it back into existence. I urge you all to support your local crotch bucket charity. Remember, it only takes one to make a difference.

D.C ice = Genius

Let me just tell you about this lovely lady I know named Dawn Candace. She did the little ditty of a drawing I have displayed at the bottom and this elephante. This women is some kind of wonderful. Every time I see something she has created, I fall in love all over again. There is something so dreamy and dark about her art it puts me into some sort of euphoric trance, I swear. You should too, if you don't I will find you and punch you in the money bags. I've got this chic's back like whoa. Believe that. www.sinisterbutsweet.com

Relief is on its way... Hopefully.

Relief Next to Me Lyrics

Hard at work. FOREVER.

If anyone actually even reads this thing anymore I guess I should come up with a list of excuses as to why I haven't posted in, oh I don't know, 16 years maybe? Well I do have a pretty solid excuse. I am coming up with a master plan to take over the galaxy. The galaxy being the twin cities. I have been hard at work researching my ass off coming up with the most ingenius business plan of all time. Well at least thats what we hope it will be. I think I am done working, actually I know I am done working shitty shit hole jobs for scraps. Done and done. So over it. Oh and if anyone out there wants work in a lunatic asylum with absolutely no structure what so ever, there is an opening at pepitos. I QUIT! Last night. Those people are insane. I have no idea how they managed to even get this far. But I do know they won't be taking me in a downward spiral to hell anymore.